Bodybuilding Mirrors All of Life

It's All Over

Sigh . . . after enduring devastating injuries which gave a slow start to the season, Team Christine, with a true underdog spirit and high hopes, managed to make critical decisions at just the right moment to earn a much-deserved spot in the Badass Football League playoffs.  However, despite their diligent, if not heroic efforts, the game time decision by the New England Patriots to bench tight end Ben Watson combined with Brian Longwell's (Minnesota Vikings) missed field goal, sounded the death knell for Team Christine; the fantasy match up ended in a tie.  Since the other team had a better overall record on the season, the win went to that team and we were thusly eliminated.

Indeed, Team Christine was not at all favored to make the playoffs considering the pervasive injuries of star quarterback Marc Bulger and stud running back Steven Jackson.  And just as we got into our groove, running back Ronnie Williams (Miami Dolphins) sustained a season-ending injury.  That didn't deter Team Christine; more determined than ever we scoured the waiver wire for another running back.  Not panicking, the front office decided to snag Oakland Raider's Justin Fargas to replace Williams.  That decision payed off HUGE!  We managed to add him to our roster just as he EXPLODED on the scene.  Excellent timing.  We were off and running (no pun intended) again winning games and takin' names!  And, when Jackson returned to our lineup and started churning out points like toys in Santa's workshop, Team Christine took on an energy all of it's own; we were unstoppable and the other teams began to quiver at the mere thought of playing against us.  We steamrolled our way right into the playoffs only to fall hard in defeat . . . to end in a TIE!  Oh the irony!  Oh the agony!  Oh such a tragic fate are we forced to endure! 

When our backs were against the wall, we made radical decisions without an ounce of fear.  Some were really good and some were epically bad.  We won some, we lost some and we managed to come out on top more than a few times by God's good grace alone.  Much like my beloved New Orleans Saints, Team Christine never once admitted defeat and fought right to the bitter end even when our chances for victory seemed bleak and way beyond our reach.  At the end of the day, we wound up in third place out of twelve teams and gained the respect of our competitors.  We walked off of the gridiron with helmets in hand and our head's held high.  We fought hard.  It's not whether you win or lose but how you played the game that really counts . . . so they say. 

Okay . . . who am I kidding.  I HATE THAT I LOST!  I AM A SORE LOSER AND A POOR SPORT!  I AM PISSED OFF AND COULD THROTTLE STUPID BRIAN LONGWELL FOR MISSING A FIELD GOAL THAT MY GRANDMOTHER WOULD HAVE EASILY MADE. WHAT SELF-RESPECTING KICKER, IN THE NFL NONETHELESS, MISSES A SHORT YET OH SO CRITICAL FIELD GOAL?!?  HUH?!?  AND WHAT ABOUT RIDICULOUS BEN WATSON?  I DON'T CARE IF YOUR ANKLE HURTS!  GET OUR REAR END OFF OF THAT BENCH AND INTO THE GAME BUDDY AND GET ME SOME POINTS! 

Whew.  Okay, I'm done now.  And if someone doesn't suck it up and comment on my Fantasy Football post I cannot be responsible for the bloodshed in the gym that will certainly follow.  I'm just sayin'.

Tough Loss

After the Saints squared off against Tennessee Monday evening, Team Christine slides to 1-2 in the BADASS FOOTBALL LEAGUE. 

Get this one . . . we manage to LOSE the matchup notwithstanding the FORTY (40) fantasy points generated  by our running back Ronnie Brown (Miami Dolphins).  How is that even POSSIBLE?  How is it that one little running back (and one that the "experts" said to bench this week to boot) could produce THREE TIMES that of a really great running back in this particular fantasy format and have the entire team LOSE the fantasy matchup you ask? Oh please, do allow me to explain . . .

It starts with Mr. Marc Bulger (quarterback St. Louis Rams).  All of the sundry "experts" said that Bulger was a "must start" for Week 3 against Tampa Bay.  So, in accord with all of this wonderful "advise" I started him and benched Brett Favre (Green Bay Packers).  Okay . . they were WRONG.  Though Bulger went into the game with sore ribs from the first that obviously was not his issue.  He apparently left his glasses on the sidelines because during the game, he threw three interceptions which tells me that he couldn't properly identify members of his OWN TEAM. At the end of the day, Bulger's spectacular play managed to collect MINUS TWO (2) fantasy points.  Nevermind that Favre threw 28 of 45 completions on 369 yards passing, three touchdowns and no interceptions which translates into twenty-six (26) fantasy points; they were all right . . . he was CLEARLY not worth starting this week.

So, take Bulger's stellar MINUS two points, combine that with wide receiver Hines Ward's (Pittsburgh Steelers) ZERO point contribution and mix in tight end Marcus Pollard's (Seattle Seahawks) big ole' GOOSE EGG and that pretty much creates a black hole large enough to swallow up Texas along with every single one of Ronnie Brown's remarkable forty point effort resulting in a very tough loss for Team Christine.  Do note, however, that had we failed to play a quarterback entirely, we would have only lost by four points and not six.  Thanks Marc.  Awesome job.  Two thumbs up bud. 

And now we move into Week 4; it's not gonna to be pretty at all people.  Take Mr. Steven Jackson; our stud running back from the St. Louis Rams.  Since we were the second team to make a selection during the online draft, we didn't waste any time selecting Jackson.  Sooooooo glad that we did!  Not only did he have an absolutely shitty start to the season, he had to leave Sunday's game entirely with a partial groin tear.  Now, he is OUT for Week 4.  E-x-c-e-l-l-e-n-t.  This means we had to immediately pick up Brian Leonard off of the waiver wire.  Who you ask?  Oh . . . just his rookie backup . . . certainly no one impressive.

And the good news just keeps on comin'.  Our awesome wide out, Hines Ward (Pittsburgh Steelers) and Rothlisburger's primary target down field and in the red zone is "doubtful" for Week 4.  Ward left the game in the third quarter after taking a helmet to the knee. (Ouch!)  Evidently, Ward suffered a knee sprain as a result.  Very, very nice . . . very nice indeed.

So here's the deal for Week 4:  We are weak at running back, wide receiver and because of my BRILLIANT move last week (releasing tight end Chris Cooley of the Washington Redskins), we are also pathetically weak at tight end.  All I can say is that it's gonna be a L-O-N-G season . . . . very, very, very long.

Now this week if you come to the gym and don't immediately see me, take a look outside of the big picture window.  You will likely find me standing squarely in the center of the Tienken-Rochester Rd. intersection waiting for a Mack truck to come along and put me out of my misery . . .

Not To Make Anyone Jealous But . . .

there will be a really buff trainer wearing a knee immobilizer AT THE LIONS GAME ON SUNDAY!  Yep, Yep, Yep . . .you read that correctly!  One of my AWESOME clients invited me to the game and it just so happens that his seats are on about the 45 yard line and approximately ten rows back from the field!  How am I going to sit in those seats with this knee?  I haven't a clue!  But do, dear readers, have confidence; if I must, I will stand on my head . . . but I AM GOING!

This will be a very interesting game indeed.  Just this past week, in an unprecedented, very risky move (probably horribly ill-advised), Team Christine from the BADASS FOOTBALL LEAGUE dropped Minnesota's running back Chester Taylor and picked up Lion's wide receiver Shaun McDonald.  In the Lion's win against the Oakland Raiders last Sunday, McDonald caught six passes for ninety yards which translates into fifteen (15) fantasy points.  (Compare the two (2) point effort rendered by Braylon Edwards last week.)  Considering that Minnesota will force Kitna to throw the ball all day long, stealthy Team Christine snagged McDonald off of the waiver wire while no one was looking!   

So, I will be at the game watching McDonald hopefully blaze a trail in the turf right into the end zone.  If the game is televised and you happen to watch it . . . first, look for me on T.V; but during the game keep an eye on our newest addition!  GO LIONS!  GO McDONALD!

Tell me, does life REALLY get ANY BETTER than this? 

VICTORY!!

As most of you know (or should know) the NFL kicked off the season just this past Thursday with the Colts playing the Saints at home.  Thanks to a spectacular effort by Indy's Reggie Wayne (one of our wide receivers) we came out very well indeed! 

And then Sunday came along.  I am not really sure what happened.  Steven Jackson our stud running back got absolutely no where against the Panther's defense.  At the end of the day, he give us one point.  Thanks for that.  Jackson, however, found good company in Chris Cooley and Braylon Edwards.  The former gave us an additional point while Edwards managed to give us two.  Essentially, it was the collective solid performances rendered by Reggie Wayne, Hines Ward and to some extent Ronnie Brown that held it together for our offense.  (Incidentally, Marc Bulger, our quarterback, also really struggled in Week #1 though I still have great faith in him.)

Now here is the real kicker.  All of the "experts" predicted that Green Bay's defense would all but collapse under the pressure brought by Philly's strong offensive line.  In fact, truth be told, I (acting for all of us) made a half-hearted attempt to pick up the Oakland Raider's defense for this week only considering that they were playing the Lions and ANY defense typically does well against the Lion's chronically weak offensive line. (That was my approach last year too.  I changed defenses every week depending on the matchup.  I looked for whoever played the Raiders or the Lions and picked up that defense, a strategy that worked very well and catapulted me into the playoffs and helped me secure the championship.)  In any event, when I saw that the Raider's defense was already taken, I just stuck with Green Bay. 

And it's a damn good thing that we did!  The Packer's defense not only put incredible pressure on Donovan McNabb sacking him once but also intercepted a pass and turned a fumble recovery into a defensive touchdown.  When all was said and done, Green Bay's defense were the real heroes of our team.  They gave us a whopping 21 fantasy points and brought us to our first victory.  The final score was 84-80. (I realize that this is not winning by a HUGE margin but a win is still a win!)

Thanks Green Bay!  So far, all is good in the BADASS FOOTBALL LEAGUE!   

The Results Are In!

Okay, as I previously reported, my online draft for the BADASS FOOTBALL LEAGUE took place today at 4:00 p.m.

Now, I planned on changing my team name right before the draft.  I thought that this was a reasonable decision.  However, it doesn't work that way in this league.  Apparently, if I were going to change my team name, I would have to accomplish this task forty-eight hours before the draft . . . not two.  OOPS!  So . . . in the BADASS FOOTBALL LEAGUE we are stuck with "Team Christine" as our identity.  Impressive huh? 

However, not nearly as impressive as my drafting skills in this brand new format.  As we entered the latter rounds, according to the computer, a few of my selections would have caused me to compile an "invalid roster."  HUH?  What the hell is THAT?  With no further explanation and about 90 seconds to pick a player . . . I did the next best thing; I clicked like a mad woman on any name (wide receiver, running back, tight end, defense, kicker, mascot WHATEVER) until the computer let me have that player.  BRILLIANT strategy.  Such a BADASS I am!  JEEZ. 

At the end of the day here is what we ended up with for a team by position and not necessarily in the order drafted:

QB:  Mark Bulger (St. Louis Rams)

QB:  Brett Farve (Green Bay Packers)

RB:  Steven Jackson (St. Louis Rams)

RB:  Ronnie Brown (Miami Dolphins)

RB:  Chris Brown (Tennessee Titans)

RB:  Jurious Norwood (Atlanta Falcons)

RB:  Chester Taylor (Minnesota Vikings)

WR: Reggie Wayne (Indianapolis Colts)

WR:  Braylon Edwards (Cleveland Browns)

WR:  Hines Ward (Pittsburgh Steelers)

WR:  Mushin Muhammad (Chicago Bears)

TE:   Chris Cooley (Washington Red Skins)

Kicker:  David Akers (Philadelphia Eagles)

Defense:  Green Bay Packers 

Let the games begin!   

Fall means . . .

FOOTBALL!  And, more specifically, FANTASY FOOTBALL!  For those of you that know me, I am all about it.  Though I've always had a fondness for the NFL . . .I am now downright obsessed with it.  It all started in 2005 when a co-worker at the gym invited me to join his fantasy football league . . . (insert blurry screen here as I begin to reflect.)

At first, I emphatically declined.  I was not at all familiar with the game except for watching the Lions every now and again on Sunday and even then, I typically got bored half way through the first quarter.  (You can only watch so many short passes to the side, runs that register negative yardage, interceptions and "three and out" before you either tear your hear out completely or, for the more seasoned fans, throw the television out the window and weep.)   Because I am a complete sucker and because these guys needed a twelfth and final player for their league, I agreed to play . . . . for $50.00, what the hell right?

Since I really did not know any other NFL players save for a few of the Lions, one of my other colleagues, who shamelessly self-reported that he knew far and away more about football than anyone else currently living and breathing, offered to help me select my players.  I pounced on the offer as I had ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what I was doing. 

Together, we entered into the online draft. I had neither a clue nor an inkling why he selected the players that he did . . . mine was not to question.  All I did know, however, is that every one of my selections elicited quite a flurry of smack talk and other online chatter, giggling and ridicule from the other team managers.  Hummmmmmm.  I ignored the hysteria, continued to take his advice and drafted away.  After we were done, I had a fantasy football team and no interest whatsoever in playing.  So, I gave him my username, password and carte blanche to manage the team as he saw fit.  Fine with me.  I promptly forgot about it entirely and went about my life.  Until he left the gym entirely not even half way through the season sticking me with the monumental task of managing the team.  GREAT.  With over half of the season left to play . . . NOW what?!?

First things first.  I logged on to the league's home screen.  Now, mind you, as the season got underway, I didn't keep track nor did he necessarily volunteer where my team ranked.  I surveyed the teams in the league.  Suffice to say, that I had to scroll A LONG way down . . . okay . . . ALL THE WAY down . . . to the VERY BOTTOM of the screen because my team was in 12th place!  To put it mildly, THAT WOULD NOT DO!

I thus began reading, non-stop, about all things football.  I furiously read, I gathered information, I made notes, I read some more and then I overhauled my roster. With pen and paper always nearby, I watched the games, payed mindful attention to injuries, studied depth charts, considered strength of schedule, snagged the back-ups to a few "iffy" starters and made some more adjustments.  My team was downright ugly.  We were not at all an attractive, well-oiled machine out there on the gridiron . . .  we flew by the seat of our tight pants and relied on sheer, unadulterated, LUCK.

When all was said and done, my team finished in 3rd place.  Pretty good considering that I played from behind the entire season and had to rely almost exclusively on second and third string players (Artose Pinner and Samkon Gado to name but only two!)  The season was a success and I won $50.00.

The following year (2006), the guys invited me to play in their league yet again.  Lovely.  I accepted the invitation.  This time, I wanted to be prepared. Right before the draft, I picked up one of the many Fantasy Football magazines and figured out who I would like on my team.  I selected a few really solid players and a few wild cards so to speak to make the games more exciting!  It payed off.  Thanks to a pivotal trade late in the season (Joseph Addi and Cory Dillon for Drew Brees.)  I ended the season in first place. Perfect.  I won $250.00.

Now . . . in 2007, I am a certifiable maniac.  I have become a Fantasy Football fanatic.  I probably need professional help.  Though I don't typically watch television, this year I totally caved.  I had to get cable.  I must have ESPN.  I must watch Monday Night Football.  Since this is my third year playing, I decided to up the ante a bit.  I joined a public league!  I have no idea with whom I am playing.  Now, I am in for one-hundred bucks with a possible payout of six-hundred should I win.  I am a very big deal!

Once I laid my bet, I perused all of the public leagues then available for me to join.  There were many very cool names like "Fantasy Football All-Stars," "Hammered by Halftime," and "Beer for Breakfast."  I, however, passed them all by . . . to join . . . are you ready for this one . . .

the "BADASS FOOTBALL LEAGUE!"  YES!  I SO could NOT resist . . .  there are just some things in life you shouldn't pass up. 

Now, all I need to do is come up with a name . . . so far, I am leaning toward the fighting uteruses . . . but I remain open to any and all suggestions should you wish to put in your two cents.

My online draft is on September 3rd at 4:00 pm.  Until then . . . I am watching the preseason games, keeping my ear to the ground and devouring any and all news coming out of the training camps in preparation.   

I will let you know who we end up with on our team when the draft is all over!  This is gonna be fun people . . . BRING IT ON!

Hut, Hut, HIKE!