Bodybuilding Mirrors All of Life

2008 Girlfriend Survey (Gag!)

Every now and then, one of these "friend surveys" arrives in my inbox.  And, more often than not, my friend Michelle Adams is the one that typically forwards them and waits for a response.  If I don't answer with haste, she sends me another email reminding me about it.  So, when I get these, I immediately answer the questions and send the survey back to her . . .  and only her. 

I've known Michelle since the first grade.  When my family moved from Blue Springs, Missouri to Madison, Wisconsin half way through my first grade year, Michelle was the only one who introduced herself to me on the playground; I remember the day that we met.  Her small gesture sparked a friendship that would last right up until the end of my ninth grade year and the summer that my family moved from Madison, Wisconsin to Clarkston, Michigan.

Since she was the only one that went out of her way to befriend me so many years ago, I surmise that I owe her some sort of special treatment!  Now, just in case any of you want to know how I answered the "2008 Girlfriend Survey," here is what I sent back to her:

2008 Girlfriend Survey (JEEZ!)

1. What time did you get up this morning?    4:00 am

2.  Diamonds or pearls?     Neither

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Juno (been a long time.)   

 

4. What is your favorite TV show?    I can't pick one so here are my favs: Survivor; Grey's Anatomy; The Amazing Race; Ghost Whisperer

5. What do you usually have for breakfast?   Oatmeal, protein shake, coffee.

 

6. What is your middle name?    Medina

7. What food do you dislike?    Asparagus; pork (icky!)  

8. What is your favorite CD at moment?     Don't really have one. 

 

9. What kind of car do you drive?    Toyota Camry

 

10. Favorite sandwich? Turkey on whole grain bread with lots of veggies and mustard.  

11. What characteristics do you despise?    hypocrisy; disloyalty; selfishness  

12. Favorite item of clothing?   My black cocktail dress.  KIDDING!! Saints baseball hat; Abercrombie sweat pants

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?   Tahiti

14. Favorite brand of clothing?  Abercrombie; Under Armour; Life is Good

15. Where would you retire to?  Savannah ,Georgia  

16. What was your most recent memorable birthday? 38th (the last one that my grandma celebrated with me)   

17. Favorite sport to watch?    FOOTBALL!!! (NFL)

18. Furthest place you are sending this?   Wisconsin (the only place that I sent it!) 

19. Person you expect to send it back first?      No one 

20. When is your birthday?   March 14th (Same as Albert Einstein!  See the resemblance? he he he!)

21. Are you a morning person or a night person?  Morning.  No doubt! 

22. What is your shoe size?     Depends on the shoe.  Typically 8 1/2  
 
23. Pets?    2 dogs 

24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? Not really; other than I am doing a WHOLE lot of creative writing and enjoying every moment.   

25. What did you want to be when you were little?    A singer (YIKES!)

26. How are you today?     Tired but happy!  

27. What is your favorite candy?     Swedish Fish 

28. What is your favorite flower?   Sunflowers 

29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to?    Thanksgiving (my favorite holiday) 

30. What's your full name?  Christine Medina Hardy

31. What are you listening to right now?    The television

32. What was the last thing you ate?    Pizza and salad (my weekly cheat meal!)

33.  Do you wish on stars?  Oh . . .  sometimes  

34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?     Red 

35. How is the weather right now?   freezing cold. 

36. The first person you spoke to on the phone today?     My mother 

37. Favorite soft drink?   I usually don't consume soft drinks but if I do, I would drink Diet Dr. Pepper

38. Favorite restaurant? Leo's Coney Island      

39. Real hair color?   Brown

40. What was your favorite toy as a child?  2 XL (which was an interactive robot that took an 8-track tape and asked questions on several subjects.  I liked it because it was educational and I always learned something.)     

41. Summer or winter?   Summer 

42. Hugs or kisses?   Both!  But if I HAD to choose . . . hugs

43. Chocolate or Vanilla?   Chocolate

44. Coffee or tea?   COFFEE!  Hands down!

45. Do you want your friends to email you back?   If they wish.

46. When was the last time you cried?    Can't even remember

47. What is under your bed?     A large plastic bin containing my shoes

48. What did you do last night?    Watched Survivor and Grey's Anatomy 

49. What are you afraid of?    Not really afraid of anything.  I sort of take life as it comes at me these days.

50. Salty or sweet?    If I am PMS . . . both!  If I had to choose . . . sweet!

51. How many keys on your key ring?   12 (I only know what 5 of them are for! Scary.)

52. How many years at your current job?     Year and a half (In the profession for 7 )

53. Favorite day of the week?  Sunday

54. How many towns have you lived in?    11  

55. Do you make friends easily?   I meet people easily; very few get in

Quick Update

Well, I certainly hope that everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday filled with much fun, food and laughter! I always loved Thanksgiving and I do have so much to be thankful for this year; my mother's successful surgery and expected full recovery topping the list.

My day started bright and early!  I opened the gym at 5:00 am to train some of my clients so that they could eat with impunity and celebrate their Thanksgiving guilt-free.  I even went ahead and trained myself on the holiday!

When all of my training was done for the day, I went out to spend the afternoon with my mother who just came home from the hospital.  We watched the Titans trample the Lions which was really quite dangerous; watching the Lions play football is hazardous to one's health and overall sanity.  (I can't really say that the game was a total loss.  Jonathon Stewart (Titans) is one of my fantasy running backs for those of you who care about my fantasy football team which I know from past experience is . . . well . . . NOBODY! So, I'll end my commentary advising that so far, I am FIRST in the league!)

All in all, I have to say that I had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday and I hope that all of you did too! 

Post-Op

I am reporting live from the surgical wing of Huron Valley Hospital . . .

We just spoke to the surgeon and he advised that mom's surgery went exactly as planned.  From start to finish, there were no surprises, everything was very smooth and she is currently in recovery.  The surgeon is confident that if all stays as is, mom will be released on Thanksgiving!

Thanks again for all of your continued prayers and support.  My mother, my little sister and I appreciate it immensely.

All I Really Need to Know I DID NOT Learn in Kindergarten . . . Apparently

Life is just grand in so many ways.  For instance, if you really pay close attention, you can learn something new about yourself every single day.  Some things are good.  Some things are not so good.  And some things you probably would be better off not knowing at all.

This past Sunday morning, I was visiting with my little sister and my oldest nephew.  As I waited for the coffee to brew, I watched my nephew paint colorful pictures and engaged in idle conversation with my little sister.  We talked about the holidays, took a little jaunt down memory lane and then she told me something about myself to which I was not privy.  I haven't a clue how this particular subject came up but we began discussing children and the development of fine motor skills. (I suppose that these are the things that you would discuss with a PhD candidate in Neuropsychology.)  At first, we talked generally.  Watching my nephew diligently toil with his paints and brushes, we discussed how children's brains develop and how they learn to do such things like color inside of the lines, cut things out, write the letters of the alphabet, etc. etc.  It was a very nice conversation until my little sister, almost a full-fledged PhD in Neuropsychology, advised that when I was five years old, my kindergarten teacher suggested that my mother have me "tested" to find out whether I had some type of "fine motor skill" developmental disability.   

Yes, you read that right.  Evidently, I couldn't seem to make a proper paper fan which raised a red flag with my kindergarten teacher.  From what I understand, the accordion fan that I produced was not quite up to snuff; the folds were not identical rendering a substandard final product.  From what my little sister told me, my fans apparently sucked big time.  So, I asked her for some more information.  Certainly the testing that I underwent firmly established that I did not suffer from any sort of disability.  She hesitated, and then told me that I was tested not once but twice; TWICE!?!  The first test was inconclusive. INCONCLUSIVE?!?  What the hell did THAT mean?  I pressed her for the whole story.  Grinning from ear to ear and struggling not to laugh out loud she went ahead and filled me in.  When she was all through, she was flabbergasted that mom would keep such important information secret.  Feeling mildly upset, I decided to confirm this with my mother.  I mean, it's not every day that you discover that your inability to create a paper fan thirty-four years ago had people wondering whether your development was majorly stunted all before you get to enjoy your very first sip of hot coffee on a fine Sunday morning!

We went to visit my mother.  As most of you know, she is currently in the hospital awaiting a partial hip replacement.  Respecting her current situation, I asked her all of the important questions that you would normally ask one in the hospital anticipating surgery.  I inquired whether she had a good night's rest, whether she had any unbearable pain, how she was generally feeling, what she ate for breakfast and most importantly, whether my kindergarten teacher thought that I was fucked up because I couldn't pleat paper in uniform increments to make a stupid fan.  Sure enough she confirmed my little sister's account . . . with one tiny, minor modification. 

It was true that I could not make a fan out of a piece of paper to save my ass and was tested as a result.  It was also true that I was tested on two separate occasions.  However, it was not true that one of the tests were inconclusive . . .  they BOTH were!  I learned that because I miserably failed at fan making the teacher wanted me tested yet a THIRD time and it was my mother who told them that there would be NO MORE tests done on me.  She told my teacher that I didn't have a problem learning but she rather had a problem teaching.  And that was the end of the testing.  So, what I discovered about myself was that we really don't know whether I was slow to develop my fine motor skills; not because I blew all of the tests clear out of the water but rather because my mother didn't continue with the testing to get a conclusive answer!  Very nice mom, thanks! 

I thought about this for the better part of our visit.  Honestly, I was stewing about it and finding myself getting a little bit pissed off at my kindergarten teacher.  Trying to placate me, my mother said that I was just fine and that the teacher was the one with the problem.  She also shared that this teacher didn't particularly like me.  Oh great . . . so not only was I slow, I was also unlikeable.  Sweet. 

At the end of the day, I had a wonderful visit with my mother and decided that I hated my kindergarten teacher and her unnatural obsession with my paper fan making abilities.  I mean who needs to know how to make a paper fan anyway?  It has absolutely no utility.  If you're hot, find a fucking air-conditioner.

Now that I've had some time to properly digest this information, I decided to ease my kindergarten teacher's mind with regard to my development.  In the event that she just so happens to find this blog and just so happens to stumble upon this particular entry, here's what I have to say to her: 

I'm not sure whether my fine motor skills ever completely ripened but I think that what I lacked in that area, I well made up for in the gross motor, non-verbal communication department:

 

Impressed?

Mom's Surgery

Just to bring everyone up to speed all at once, my mother did indeed go to the hospital today for purposes of having a partial hip replacement.  When we arrived, the blood tests taken prior to surgery revealed that it would be much more prudent to admit her, keep her through the weekend and then perform the procedure on Monday.  I stayed and spoke with the orthopedic surgeon who assured that her bones look good and that he doesn't anticipate any problems whatsoever (that is, her risk is no greater than anyone else going through the very same procedure).  So, everything should be right on track for surgery on Monday morning.  

I wanted to thank everyone for all of the phone calls, text pages, and e-mails today containing prayers and well-wishes for my mother and for her full and speedy recovery.  My little sister and I sincerely appreciate it; please keep us in your thoughts and prayers through the weekend.  I will make sure that I keep you all duly updated. 

Thanks again for everything!

Zzzzzzzzzzzz

  Every now and again, I do some incredibly idiotic things.  But this latest one -- it's far and away the show-stopper.

When the seasons change and the barometric pressure drops, my sinuses feel like they're going to explode.  I experience constant pressure in my head, my entire face feels swollen, I have a terrible headache, my nose runs and I am continuously clearing my throat.  I've dealt with this for years.  So, when that time of year rolls back around, I make sure that I get some over-the-counter sinus medication which usually takes care of it.

Rite Aid's "Sinus, Congestion & Pain Daytime, Non-Drowsy Formula" is my drug of choice.  They are two oblong-shaped, pale-green pills and work like a charm; all of my symptoms magically disappear.  I love the stuff.

Except this time, they didn't work.  Even though I took the medication for a couple of days my headache persisted, the pressure in my head mounted, my throat was killing me and with all of the postnasal drip, I started to lose my voice.  But that wasn't the worst of it.  I was literally exhausted.  I know that I run a very demanding schedule but I was experiencing an out-of-the- ordinary, nagging, bone-gnawing kind of tired that simply would not subside. I felt like I was constantly walking through a thick fog in cement shoes.  Doing the simplest of tasks proved quite a chore.  Eating oatmeal made me tired.  Walking out to my car in the morning wore me out.  Keeping a thought in my head was challenging and carrying on a coherent conversation was literally impossible.    

And I tried everything to shake it.  I drank gallons of coffee, I consumed pre-workout energy drinks, I dragged myself out onto the workout floor and trained like a maniac, I submerged my head in cold water but NOTHING worked.  After all of this, I still felt like at any given moment, I could of laid down smack in the middle of a busy intersection and fell asleep.  Something was terribly wrong.

Just to be sure that I was sufficiently sick, I decided to wait one more day before paying my doctor a visit.  I am the type of person who would rather wait for divine intervention or death before going to the doctor.  Drives people crazy.  Anyway, I got up in the morning, took my sinus medication (just in case it was helping a little bit) and somehow managed to get myself to the gym.  About a half of an hour after getting there, that pervasive tiredness returned and wore on me all morning long.  My limbs felt heavy, I was knocking into equipment and I had to really focus to keep myself upright.  I couldn't wait to get home. All I could think about was flopping myself down on the bed (or the floor) and going to sleep . . . forever.  After setting my alarm clock to ensure that I would make it to the gym on time for my afternoon/evening schedule, I did exactly that.  Within moments, I was dead asleep.  

It felt like my head just hit the pillow when my alarm clock went off three hours later.  I got up and decided that I felt a little bit better . . . maybe.  After I consumed my late afternoon meal, I went into the linen closet to get my dose of sinus medication to try and get through the rest of my day.  I store all of my quasi-medical supplies in a large tray in the linen closet.  Thinking about my afternoon and evening lineup, I went right to the tray and grabbed for the blister pack containing the two sinus pills.  I walked into the kitchen and began filling a glass with cool, purified, refreshing drinking water.  While I waited for the glass to fill, I just so happened to turn the package over.   What occurred next took a moment to register.  There, in very big, very bold, all upper-case letters were these words: "NIGHTTIME SLEEP AID."  Incredulous, I turned the package back over and stared at the two little pills.  Like the sinus meds, they were oblong-shaped; except they were not pale-green; they were pale blue!  UGH!  I wasn't taking sinus medication, I was taking SLEEPING PILLS!  IDIOT! 

Suddenly wide awake, I rushed back to my linen closet, ripped open the door and looked into my medicine tray.  Sure enough, right next to the sinus meds were the sleeping pills.  Honestly, I don't even remember getting anything to help me sleep; must of been a very long time ago!  I promptly disposed of the "nighttime sleep aid" and after taking the correct medication, miraculously my sinus problems disappeared.  

And after sleeping for about a week, the effects of the nighttime sleep aid wore off and I was back to my old, energetic, happy self once again!

Amazing that I get through life isn't it?

YAY!

Sometimes it's the little things in life that deliver the greatest pleasure.

After training my early morning client, a small window of opportunity opened for me to trot across the parking lot and get my morning cup of Starbucks coffee; an act which always makes me exceedingly happy!  No doubt, I love training clients.  However, training clients while sipping on a hot cup of Joe in between grueling sets just makes the experience so much more enriching and enjoyable for client and trainer alike!  (Simply put, if I'm not sipping, I'm not enjoying.  If I'm not enjoying, the client is typically in excruciating pain.  Understanding this correlation, most of my clients ensure that I have an endless supply of coffee -- just in case.  They think that somehow this makes them more endearing and may prompt me to "take it easy" during their training sessions.  NAAAAAAAA -- I only know one thing; extreme intensity.  The coffee just makes it more enjoyable . . . okay . . . for ME!  So . . . THANKS!)

Anyway, back to my story . . . ah yes, I went right across the lot, marched into the Starbucks and placed my usual order; Grande coffee "straight up."  And this is how I received it . . .

IN A HOLIDAY CUP!! THE 2008 STARBUCKS HOLIDAY CUPS ARE HERE!!  I LOVE it!  To me, this officially kicks off the holiday season and I simply LOVE the holidays!  I love the holiday music on 100.3 WNIC, I love all of the decorations that are going up in town, I love the Charlie Brown holiday specials (reminds me of when I was a kid), I love buying gifts for friends and family, and I simply LOVE the holiday coffee cups! 

I can't lie folks.  This made my WHOLE day!  YAY! 

Happy Birthday Grammy

Grammy would be 93 today and I sure will miss the family gathering that we would have held in her honor this upcoming weekend . . .  

If I had to say one thing about her, my grandmother certainly did enjoy a good party; especially if the attendees were members of her family.  As far as she was concerned, all of us grandchildren were demigods and she treated us like it too.  If you got fired from your job, if you decided to divorce your spouse or if you were just having a shitty day for no reason in particular, you would call Grammy, explain the situation and she would take you out to Big Boy and give you a monologue over dry rye toast and coffee about how wonderful you were and how the rest of the world was full of shit.  And this applied even if you were clearly and unequivocally in the wrong.  To her it didn't matter.  She would contort the facts and weave together a convincing scenario where we always came out on top; we were her grandchildren and thus incapable of any wrongdoing whatsoever.

I remember the day that I got canned from one of my first stints as an attorney.  I was fresh out of law school and about 6 months into the position when I became highly disgusted and totally disenchanted with the practice of law.  I hated it.  And when I become disenchanted I can't hide it (which makes me an epically bad poker player.)  One day I hit my limit.  One day I walked in and somewhere between pouring my morning cup of coffee in the kitchen and getting to my office down the hall, I had an exchange with my boss wherein I told her to fuck right off.  I also advised that jamming herself into a suit two sizes too small didn't conceal her ample ass and bountiful midsection.   I couldn't help it.  I opened my mouth and it all came gushing out and just like that I wound up in the unemployment line.

Once the adrenaline subsided, I started feeling like a total loser so I called Grammy and told her what happened.  At her insistence, I swung by and picked her up; off to Big Boy we went.  After talking it out with Grammy, I was convinced that not only was I the smartest attorney in all of the land, but I was also probably right about the suit. 

All of my life Grammy was there.  I can't recall a time when I needed her that she didn't come through one-hundred and ten percent.  Like the time when I was in my first year at Albion College writing an important mid-term paper when an essential component on my Smith-Corona typewriter broke and she drove from West Branch, Michigan to Podunk, Ohio to get me another one.  Like the time Spirit Airlines lost my luggage and told me that it couldn't be recovered.  A fifteen minute discussion with my Grammy somehow changed that and we left the airport -- bag in tow.  No doubt about it -- Grammy was a big bully.  She got her way -- or in her words, "I always win my case."  And she did.  No one in their right mind dare argue with her.  She was a Scorpio and she was a scary one at that.  

But no matter how she treated the rest of the world, she always had a special place in her heart for us grandchildren.  As I said before, we could do no wrong.  If we hurt, she eased the pain.  If we were broken, she fixed it.  If we cried, she did whatever it took to stem the tears . . .  

Such as the time my little sister dropped her lunch pail on the way to school.  My parents were attending a conference out of state and my grandmother came to Wisconsin to babysit us while they were away.  I was in the fourth grade and my little sister was in the second.  We were walking ourselves to school one sunny fall morning much like we did every day of the week --  except for this time our grandmother followed closely behind in our family's 1974 pea green station wagon.  Several times along the way we admonished her to return home as we were quite accustomed to walking to school alone.  "Never you mind," she retorted with a strict wave of her forefinger, "just you keep right on walking and forget about me."  Right.  Like that was really possible.  It's not every day that you have a pea green station wagon bearing down on your ass on the way to school.  But she was the one that religiously watched the news and had to make sure that the "sickos," as she called them, didn't get the chance to abduct us. 

We were almost there.  Only a few blocks to go when the latch on my little sister's lunch pail suddenly failed, spilling it's contents all over the sidewalk.  I recall looking down and seeing an assortment of tiny multi-colored marshmallows quickly making their escape .   My little sister was traumatized and instantly burst into tears.  Grammy threw the car in park, left it running in the middle of the street and rushed over to console her.  Certainly, one enduring such a harrowing experience couldn't possibly be expected to attend school!  No siree!  My little sister would have to take the day off from her studies entirely and relax at home.  That stopped the tears dead in their tracks all right.  Once all of this registered with me, I immediately hurled my lunch box into the street hoping that it would be run over by a bus.  Surely THAT would justify an entire week off!  No luck.  Grammy collected my unopened lunch box and summarily deposited me on the front stoop of the John F. Kennedy Elementary School.  I was in for another routine day of academic enlightenment while my little sister sat in the lap of luxury.  Story of my life.  When my mother found out she was pissed.  Grammy didn't care.  The girl dropped her marshmallows and couldn't carry on.  End of story.

That was our Grammy.  Nothing was going to upset us.  No one was going to cheat us.  No one was going to harm us.  If we were wronged she made it right and God help the hapless soul who did it.  As a kid and even as an adult, it was nice to have someone like that around.  Right, wrong or indifferent she had your back.  She was a problem-solver.  For her, nothing was impossible.  She never saw the roadblocks.  I was lucky-- but then again I always knew it.

I never missed calling her on her birthday.  Today, I write this in her memory and wish her a great big

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!